To My Older Bro…

Peter, 형,

There are so many things I wish I could've talked to you about. We were just getting closer and I felt that we could grow even more closer than ever. Especially cause you hated me back when I was a kid lol. I always imagines the times that the three of us would get older and talk about our life in a bar. It was a simple dream, but I thought it could've been a reality. I was excited for that moment.

I wish I could've talked to you more about your hardships. I realised I gotta live life for your sake. You and I shared problems that nobody else would've understood. And I wish I could've talked to you about that too. But our relationship as being brothers really hindered that. You felt like you had the responsibilities to teach me life as an older sibling and I thought I had the responsibility of not making you worry as the younger one. However I wish I could've made the effort to break that barrier. There are so many guilts and regrets that I've realised after you passed, but I know I can't live on by holding onto them.

I live my life because of your influences. The friendships that you've had in high school is what I yearned for when I was a kid. Dreaming that i'll have crazy bro moments like you had and experiencing something similar to what you did in high school. The fact that you hated me made me love you even more because I was curious of what you were doing. Casting me out of our room and me sneaking in and seeing that you were playing Runescape. All of the games that you and Alex played are part of nostalgia for me as well cause even if I didn't play them, I remember the vibe of that time. Your Chrono Trigger, Mario Kart, FFT, Crash, Dota etc is the reason why i love games now even if I suck ass at them (Especially League). And when you started to watch anime, I started because of your cds hidden inside your wardrobe at the time (Sorry, not sorry).

I love you Peter. I wish I could've had the courage to say this to you when you were alive. You are part of who I am and i'll never forget that. You'll always be my 작은형. I miss you so much and I'll let you know when One Piece ends and what happens when Luffy finds it.